Paved Paradise
by paxbanana
Summary: Years after high school, Haruka is astounded by the comprentation sic that Yukino is a lesbian. The impregnatable sic ex-Executive Director is forced to confront all possible implications wielded sic upon their relationship. Potentially AU or continuation. Not to be taken too seriously.
1. Chapter 1

Paved Paradise*  
Fandom: Mai HiME  
Pairing: Yukino/Haruka, some one-sided Shizuru/Natsuki, vague Shizuru/Haruka  
Rating: M for some sexual descriptions  
Warnings: Lesbians, sex, and lots of word misuse**. If these offend, please click the blue arrow.  
Summary: Years after high school, Haruka is astounded by the comprentation [sic] that Yukino is a lesbian. The impregnatable [sic] ex-Executive Director is forced to confront all possible implications wielded [sic] upon their relationship. [Potentially AU or continuation. Not to be taken too seriously.]  
*Title from Joni Mitchell's "Big Yellow Taxi".  
**The section narrated by Haruka will have words in the wrong context and misspelled words. See if you can catch them all.

Yukino closed her briefcase and waited diligently as Haruka shuffled papers into her own satchel. She was very glad to be done with work, but like everyday, it was disappointing to part ways with Haruka at the train-station.

"Be safe!" Haruka told her sincerely. She was beautiful, grinning wide, her blonde hair falling out of a pinned-up bun. The sun splashed across the train station and landed over Haruka's shoulder, casting a golden glow to her hair and put her dark suit in sharp relief from the rest of the world.

"See you tomorrow," Yukino replied, aching somewhere in her heart.

The hour commute was annoying. Haruka offered to let her stay overnight again (as she had half the commute) but Yukino had heard at the office that Haruka's fiancée was in town. She couldn't bear to watch _that_ interaction or the possibility of over-hearing sex—it twisted her stomach just to think of it. It certainly wasn't worth the shorter commute.

Finally home, Yukino fixed dinner, changed, put in contacts, and went out to a nearby gay bar which she frequented. To her surprise, a woman—tall, strong face, wide-forehead (though her legs were skinny)—immediately approached and hit on her. Yukino surprised herself when she replied in kind. It had been too long since she'd had sex. Surely it wasn't healthy for a 25 year old out-lesbian to be able to count the number of times she'd had sex annually on one hand. Haruka possibly having intercourse her fiancée had nothing to do with it.

_And you're not harboring a childhood crush well into your twenties,_ she thought sarcastically as she let the woman—Something Mokoto—into her apartment.

They stumbled to the couch. Yukino somehow lost track of her shirt and bra, and then the pace of their intimacy changed. Mokoto, completely in charge, teased Yukino, working her hand under her skirt by millimeters, it felt like. Ages later, Yukino's underwear were discarded, and Mokoto was whispering, "Do you like it hard? Fast?"

Yukino moaned.

"Yeah," Mokoto agreed, and she entered Yukino with two fingers, pumping deep with her entire body. Yukino was at this point nearly delirious, especially after the teasing. She shifted her body to better take in Mokoto. Mokoto rewarded her by tilting her head to take Yukino's nipple into her mouth. In reply, Yukino clutched at Mokoto's shirt, sobbing and jerking her body in answering rhythm.

The door opened.

Abruptly, there was Haruka—whose presence seemed bigger and louder than Yukino had ever seen her. Yukino thought—_but I wasn't even fantasizing about you!—_before she realized this Haruka was definitely real. This Haruka was screaming and flailing around a floor lamp furiously. She swung at Mokoto, who looked comically surprised to be at the receiving end of a nonsexual physical attack. Thankfully the hit only managed to knock the lamp shade askew.

Yukino came to her senses. "Haruka-chan, stop!" she shouted, scrambling to cover herself.

"You pervert, assaulting Yukino! You bastard, you—"

"I thought you said you were single!" Mokoto shouted as she retreated to hide in the corner beside the television.

"You, you..._woman_?" Haruka was shocked enough to loosen her hold on the floor lamp, which Yukino snatched from her. Yukino couldn't stop her tears. "Get out!"

Mokoto looked stricken, but her face shifted to anger soon enough. "You said you weren't seeing anyone."

"I'm not. Haruka-chan, please, she wasn't assaulting me."

"But..." Haruka had a strange look on her face. "You're gay?"

"Yes." Yukino couldn't find it within herself to act defensive.

"Great," Mokoto grunted. She buttoned up her shirt and pants and made her way to the door. "Well, I had a great time until I almost got brained," she muttered, punctuating her statement by slamming the door.

"Oh," Haruka said, strangely muted. "I interrupted. I interrupted you and her and... I'm sorry. I mean, I was just checking in."

"Leave, Haruka-chan." Yukino was feeling too vulnerable.

"But—"

"Get out."

"I'm sorry." Haruka paused at the open door. She looked hopelessly young and very hurt. "Why didn't you tell me?"

Yukino, finally feeling defensive, couldn't hide her anger. She waved her hand to dismiss Haruka and walked back to her tiny bathroom, shutting the door behind her. She listened until her front door shut, then began to run a bath. She needed to decompress. Just like Haruka-chan to rush in and save her, as if she naturally didn't have sex, as if she couldn't take care of herself. How like her to do all that—but not because she was jealous, or as Mokoto assumed, her girlfriend.

Too tired to cry, Yukino settled on the couch. To her irritation someone knocked on her door. It was Mokoto, not Haruka who stood there, holding a cheap little bouquet of flowers.

"Sorry," Mokoto said quietly. "I'd really like to finish what we started. Assuming Amazon-san isn't still here." She cast her eyes around cautiously.

With a sudden laugh, Yukino let her in.

Much later, Mokoto let out a pained moan. "What the fuck?" Loud rapping woke them both up. "It's..." She fumbled around to turn the clock in her direction. "...5:00 on a Sunday."

Yukino also groaned. She knew immediately who it was. "Haruka-chan."

"The Amazon? She's going to break my legs, isn't she?"

With another groan, Yukino got to her feet, found her glasses and a robe, and slipped around the corner to her living room. She winced on her calf; she must have pulled it last night. She quickly went to the door when Haruka bang-knocked again. Yukino jolted as the door swung inward, surprised to be greeted by the aroma of donuts and coffee.

"I'm sorry I messed up your date, Yukino. Can we have breakfast?" Haruka was in the same clothes as the night before, and her eyes were shadowed, as if she hadn't slept all night. Despite this, Yukino couldn't figure out a way she could possibly invite Haruka inside.

"Now isn't a good time." It wrenched Yukino's heart to turn down the heartfelt offer, as did Haruka's crestfallen expression.

"You're still mad?"

"You've given her all of six hours to get over interrupting her during sex. I'm glad you knocked this time." Mokoto was at least wearing a robe—though it was Haruka's robe, which brought a wince all on its own. Her dark hair was in a scattered mess, and she had—Yukino blushed—several hickies visible. The robe wasn't fully belted, and the cleft between her breasts slipped further and further into view.

Haruka gaped. "You're still here! _You_—"

"Haruka-chan, please. We'll talk later." She put her hand on the door. Before she could close it, Haruka braced herself and shoved the coffee and donuts into Yukino's hands. "You and your girlfriend have them. I'll see you at work tomorrow," she blurted before turning away and disappearing around the corner.

"Wow," Mokoto said. "She's pretty accepting without that lamp to chuck around."

* * *

In the weeks following her discovery of Yukino's sexuality, Haruka grew increasingly more irritable. Yukino seemed to be devoting a hell of a lot of time to her new girlfriend, and it left Haruka with the epiphamy that the true extent of her social circle was...Yukino. Sure, she had other friends and a lot of acquaintances from work, but Yukino was the only person she actively seeked out to spend time with. Ironically, the only time she saw Yukino was at work! She wasn't even ever able to talk to Yukino to let her know being gay was no problem. Or was it more politically correct to use 'lesbian'? She had a lot of questions as it was, and when Yukino turned her down for dinner again, she turned to another source.

"_Haruka-han, what a delight."_

It was funny that Fujino had started using that arcadic suffix since she began to live under the thumb of her parents again. "Want to come by my apartment for dinner, Shizuru-san?"

"_Certainly."_

"Did Kuga-san cancel on you?" Haruka asked, pleased by her institution.

"_Yes, indeed."_

"How's 7:30 sound?"

"_I'll be there."_

They were halfway through the main course when Haruka breeched the topic. "So, someone I know is gay—"

"Kikukawa-han?"

Haruka choked on her rice. "How did you know?"

To her irritation, Shizuru raised an eyebrow. "How didn't _you_?"

"That's not fair! Don't you have a radar thing?"

"The term I think you're looking for is gaydar, Haruka-han, and mine tends to be inaccurate to a tee." Shizuru shrugged in reply. "I saw her at a gay bar the other night. She was with Hisami Kyoko."

Hisami Kyoko? _Kyoko_? "Wait, _what_? Not Something or other Motoko?"

"No, I'm afraid not."

"But! But—that's her girlfriend! Yukino wouldn't _cheat_!"

Shizuru paused and studied her for a moment. "Kikukawa-han seems to just be dating right now, Haruka-han."

"There's no way that's true," Haruka snapped. "She's been canceling on me and never has anytime for me. Why would she do that if she's just dating?"

Shizuru shrugged for the umpteenth time. She'd developed the habit in the last few years, apparently to the constipation of her parents. Haruka had learned to equate that gesture with a more sympathetic mindset behind her words. Shizuru said, "I'm sorry. It's irritating, isn't it?"

When Shizuru talked like that, she could only be referring to one person. "Kuga-san?" Haruka asked with a frown, trying to appear supportive.

Her physical gesture was in vain because Shizuru put a hand over her face. _That bad, huh?_ Haruka thought. "She's been dealing in an awful crowd recently."

_Recently?_ Haruka managed to keep that to herself. Kuga had graduated from the police academy to promptly get thrown in jail for assault. The last few years she'd been hanging out with a worse and worse crowd. Haruka wouldn't be surprised if she was in the mob now. She caught the inflection in Shizuru voice and couldn't help but say, "By 'dealing', you mean...?"

For a moment she thought Shizuru was going to snap at her and call her a liar, but Shizuru's entire body slumped into a defeated nod. "That too. I didn't mean to, but I found a whole..." She lowered her voice. "...brick of something under her sink. When I tried to confront her over it, she hung up on me. She's not even taking my calls anymore. That's not even mentioning the fact that she changed the lock on her apartment door." Shizuru swallowed thickly and took a sip of her water. "It isn't fair," she continued quietly. "I've stood by while she dated those _men_—"

Haruka shuddered at the tone of voice Shizuru adopted to say that word, as if it were poison. 'All those men' had actually been two, and they hadn't lasted long even in combination.

"And last week I saw her in Lady's Luck with a _woman_."

Woah, Haruka felt like edging out of her apartment and running for her life. She'd only heard that particular tone of voice once from Shizuru, and god help her if she wasn't scared shitless. Not that she'd ever tell anyone that, much less Shizuru—who wouldn't take it as a compliment. So, Haruka took a breath and once again was the supportive friend. "Wait, what? Like, a date?"

"Yes." Shizuru stirred her straw in her drink dejectedly. Haruka wondered if she'd get away with taking Shizuru's meat knife away.

"But if she's gay," she continued cautiously, "wouldn't she just come to you?"

It was apparently the wrong thing to say. Shizuru actually dropped her forehead onto the edge of the table—Haruka winced at the sound—and moaned. "I assumed her sexuality was what stood between us before. It's been nice these last few years because she _hasn't_ been dating, at least overtly. And..." Shizuru blushed. "I shouldn't have, but I had some hope. She was acting so..." Shizuru gave another careless shrug. "But if suddenly her sexuality is not actually straight and narrow, then that means she doesn't love me..."

"Because of you, not your gender." Haruka frowned. It didn't make any sense. Kuga obviously cared about Shizuru a lot. The last time they'd hung out—all four of them—Yukino had made the off-handed comment later that she wouldn't be surprised if Kuga and Shizuru were dating now, and not because of how Shizuru had acted. It was probably best not to mention that now. "She really should have just told you."

"She's hardly telling me anything now, so what does it matter?" Shizuru's dejection slipped into bitterness.

Haruka though of Yukino keeping her sexuality a secret. Of Yukino gasping in what she'd assumed pain but now realized (with a jolt of her own) was pleasure. With her legs around that woman. _That woman._ With her legs around other strange _women_—who took up her time just because they had sex with her. In a moment of blind anger, she communicated that to Shizuru, who unceremoniously shrugged. "You're engaged, Haruka-han, you understand why sex and romance are important."

Haruka frowned in reply. She couldn't see how her fiancée had anything to do with Yukino having multiple sexual relations with strange women. "I'd rather spend time with Yukino than Yamashito-san."

Shizuru stopped moving and just stared at her.

"Besides." Haruka twitched uncomfortably under that look. "They can't possibly know her well enough, like what she likes to eat, what she can't, the types of movies she likes, what side of the couch she likes to sit on, and stuff. I bet they probably don't even know what she likes in bed. Hell, I bet I'd do a better job."

One of Shizuru's eyebrows slowly rose while the other remained motionless, and Haruka blinked, startled by what she'd said. "Indeed?" Shizuru asked neutrally.

"That's not really what I meant. Like, not that I know what she'd like, but I'd learn quick, and she wouldn't have to ask again. I'd do the stuff she would be too shy to ask for, even. I know I'm slow sometimes—" If Shizuru ever revealed that she'd said that, she would murder her—"but I know what Yukino likes."

"You aren't slow, Haruka-han," Shizuru said firmly. Then, instead of making note of the fact that Haruka had obviously just dug her hole deeper, she said, "Instead of moping here, let's get dressed and go out."

"Um," Haruka said. Then she thought, _What the hell?_

They met at a popular night club an hour later. They danced for a few songs and drank a few more than a few drinks. Then Shizuru opened her mouth and asked, "Are you straight, Haruka-han?"

"Of course," Haruka replied automatically.

"How long have you been engaged?"

Haruka rolled her eyes. "Around four years."

"How often do you have sex with your fiancée?"

Haruka gaped. "That's none of your business!"

"Every time he comes into town?"

"No," Haruka admitted. Then she took a moment to actually think about it. "We haven't," she realized.

"Haven't. _At all?_"

"No." This seemed perplexing because Haruka had somehow not realized they hadn't had sex _ever_. That she hadn't had sex, _ever_. "That's weird, isn't it? I'm a virgin!"

To her relief, Shizuru ignored the last part of her statement. "Is he attractive?"

_Way to beat a dead hose, Shizuru-san_. She shrugged. He was nice enough, okay looking, and somewhat okay to talk to.

"Do you want to have sex with him?"

Beer made her tongue loose. "No. I don't even like to kiss him. Could you stop beating this dead hose? I get the point." Shizuru's lips twitched. She leaned forward, and Haruka was distracted by her breasts, even more so by the startling line of freckles across the top of Shizuru's cleavage. Why the hell did Kuga-san go to some woman besides Shizuru? Did Shizuru have more freckles? "You should put on a jacket," she blurted, staring.

Shizuru ignored her. "Tell me, if Kikukawa-han confessed to you, would you have sex with her?"

Haruka scoffed. "No way."

Shizuru frowned.

"She'd never feel that way about me. I'm not even particulate—" Shizuru's lips twitched. (Why did she keep doing that?)—"I get all my files unorganized, I say stupid hurtful things all the time. I even interrupted her when she was having sex! And she's—" Haruka thought of Yukino smiling innocently, of her pushing her glasses up with an intelligent air, of Yukino setting her schedule straight (even though she was an editor, not Haruka's assistant), of her patience, her freckles, her curly hair. She really liked Yukino's recent hair style... "She's so smart and sweet and pretty. She's way out of my league. I know people wouldn't think that, but she has so much potential..."

"That doesn't answer my question," Shizuru pointed out.

Haruka frowned. "Yes," she admitted, a little startled. "Except if I'm not gay so wouldn't that hurt her more?"

Shizuru picked up her purse, and Haruka took that to be a signal they were leaving. It was fine; she was starting to get cold. As they stepped out into the street, Shizuru said, "Are you really still saying you aren't gay?"

Haruka frowned. She shook out her hair out of her face to glare at Shizuru. "How would I know?"

Then Shizuru was suddenly in her personal bubble, just a little taller. Their breasts brushed, and Haruka gasped so hard she choked on her own spit. Shizuru's breath fell on her lips, and suddenly they were kissing. She was...kissing bubuzuke woman!—and her tongue slipped gently into Haruka's mouth, and _wow_. She didn't know kissing could feel like that.

Shizuru backed away; she looked smug and satisfied. She had freckles across the bridge of her nose, Haruka noted distractedly. "You're a really good kisser," was the first thing she could think to say.

"It's the softness," Shizuru replied conspiratorially. She looped her arm into Haruka's and set off in a giddy sway. "Imagine if it had been Kikukawa-han."

Haruka jolted down deep inside between her legs so hard she had to stop walking. Sweet Yukino, moaning in pleasure, legs spread, and Haruka was between them, touching her just right. And they'd wake up together every morning because she always slept better listening to Yukino breathe; they'd _live together_. No more not seeing Yukino outside of work. They'd have a few nights a week to go out—_on dates_. They'd have sex a lot. "Oh," she said in shock. "I'm in love with Yukino."

Shizuru patted her on the back. "Well done, Haruka-han. Why not tell her tomorrow?"

"I couldn't," Haruka realized dumbly. "We couldn't be friends if she won't date me."

"Go out of a limb."

"It doesn't always work out." She saw Shizuru wince and pulled her into a hug quickly. "I didn't mean you. That wasn't what I meant!"

"C'est la vie," Shizuru replied poetically, patting her shoulder.

* * *

The next morning, scared and excited and jittery—would Yukino figure it out? how could Haruka hide what she felt now that she realized it herself?—Haruka opened the morning paper to relax herself with a read. The front page of the Society was what she turned to first. Her parents had just invested in a fashion magazine, and Haruka was due to take over that business completely from them so it seemed prudent. It was a surprisingly juicy article, framed above a large color picture of two attractive blonde women in lip-lock. "I wonder who..." Then she saw the headline.

**FUJINO AND SUZUSHIRO HEIRS IN A STARCROSSED LOVE AFFAIR**

She turned her eyes back to the picture, uncomprehending. But it was Shizuru. It was herself—kind of weird to see herself in profile; was her forehead really that big?—and they were indeed in 'lip-lock', eyes closed. Shizuru even had the gall to be smiling.

Haruka shrieked in shock when her phone rang. Her mother's voice over the answering machine sent her scrambling to pick up. "Mama!"

"_Haruka-chan, sweetheart, we wish you had told us. At least before you decided to kiss the Fujino girl in public."_

"_Good catch!"_ her father shouted behind her mother's voice.

"B-b-but we aren't! I mean, that is, she was just fooling around!"

"_Sweetheart, it's okay. You're gay. I'd honestly been wondering. Go ahead and admit it; it's fine."_

To her horror, Haruka burst into tears. "You aren't d-d-disappointed?"

The next half an hour, Haruka was embarrassingly insecure. She was at least able to laugh when her father said, _"It'll be great for the magazine! Well done!"_

She immediately called Shizuru. It went straight to voicemail. "This is your fault, you-you-you bubuzuke woman! Call me back!"

Shizuru actually obeyed her for once. _"My mother was on the phone,"_ Shizuru opened. She sounded shell shocked. _"They know I'm a lesbian." _Shizuru gasped abruptly._ "Oh, my god!"_ Then she asked, _"What did you call me, bubuzuke…?"_

"Are you disinherited?"

For some reason Shizuru laughed. _"No. I managed to point out that our newspaper sales were sure to be up."_

"No news like sorbid lesbian affairs."

"_Yes, a 'sorbid' lesbian affair between two hot women. Though my mother said, 'Did it have to be that Suzushiro girl?'"_

Haruka snickered. "Imagine if it were Kuga-san." Then she wondered if she was going to have to stick her entire leg in her mouth. To her relief, Shizuru chuckled. _"I think I _would_ have been disowned. Though I don't think I'd care." _That last statement was forlorn, despite the chuckle. Shizuru paused. _"Just a moment; someone at the door."_

Haruka heard the banging. "Geez, check your peep-hole first; that doesn't sound safe."

"_Ara," _Shizuru gasped. _"It's Natsuki."_ There was the sound of fumbling, then Shizuru said, _"I have to go."_

"Hey, wait—" She'd already hung up. "Well, hell," Haruka mumbled. She jolted when someone knocked on her door. "Shit!" It was Yukino; she knew that knock anywhere. Scrambling to her feet, she ripped the door open. The sight of Yukino was balm on her rattled nerves.

"Can I come in?" Yukino asked her quietly.

"Yeah. What made you stop by?"

"Oh." Yukino paused and ducked her head. "You haven't seen the article, then."

"What article?" Haruka saw the Society pages and nearly swallowed her own tongue. The two calls she'd made had actually made her forget about the FRONT PAGE article—wasn't that libbel anyway?—complete with a color picture. "Oh, yeah. I forgot."

"Your picture is on Society outing you to Japan, and you forgot, Haruka-chan?" Yukino's finger brushed the picture, and Haruka shuddered. She blushed and shifted awkwardly, feeling strange that her body reacted in such a way. "Well, I was just talking to Shizuru-san."

Yukino seemed to shrink. She tended to do that when she was scared or upset. It didn't make any sense; Yukino wasn't scared of Shizuru, anymore at least. "I guess you needed to," Yukino said, turning to smile stiffly. She was a little pale.

"What's wrong?" Haruka asked, immediately alarmed.

Yukino looked on the verge of tears. Haruka's mind jumped to Shizuru telling her about those _women_ (plural!) she'd been dating. "Did one of those women hurt you?" she growled.

"Women?"

"That you're dating?" Haruka spelled it out.

Yukino blinked. She looked discomforted. She was wearing glasses this morning, not contacts. She was so comfortable to look at, so beautiful and pleasant, and Haruka felt herself start when she realized she'd been daydreaming a little. _Oh, right, I'm in love with her._ "Oh, no," Yukino replied. "I was just...surprised about Fujino-san."

"About Fujino-san? But you knew she was gay."

Yukino gaped at her, and Haruka gaped back. "I was surprised you're _with_ her."

"Oh," Haruka mumbled. "But I'm not. We're aren't. It isn't. She was just fooling around. She'd in love with Kuga."

"Do you love her? That's horrible of her—"

"No, no. I love _you_." Haruka's eyes rounded, and she stared in terror at Yukino, who blinked back owlishly. Why did she just blurt it out like that? _Idiot!_ That wasn't romantic at all, and it was embarrassing, and, and, "I mean, I understand if you don't feel the same way. I know I'm frustrating and slow sometimes and that I hurt you a lot—" As a testament to that, Yukino's eyes filled with tears. "—but I just realized that it's true, and..." She trailed off, biting her lip.

Yukino blinked out her tears and said thickly, "What about Yamashiro?"

"What about him?" What was it about these women asking about that guy?

"You're engaged to him."

"Oh, right," Haruka said. "Guess I need to call him and let him know the engagement's off. My parents are okay with that too. He probably won't care."

Yukino's entire body set to trembling, and Haruka flinched back. "Sorry if I made things awkward by confessing. I hope we can maybe go back to the way we were before."

"Haruka-chan." And then Yukino was right there, standing on her tiptoes and they were kissing. Yukino gasped and laughed and cried all at once, kissing Haruka all over her face. Haruka was stunned. "I love you, Haruka-chan. I love you; I love you; I love you."

"Really?"

Then Yukino's mouth settled over hers, and her tongue was in Haruka's mouth, and Yukino pressed up against her entire front, rubbing herself across Haruka's breasts. _Halleluiab_, Haruka thought. That was definitely a positive answer.

-end-


	2. Parking Lot ShizuruNatsuki

Parking Lot  
Pairing: Natsuki/Shizuru  
Rating: T  
Warnings: Lesbians, suggestion of violence, lots of bad language. If these offend, please click the blue arrow.  
Length: ~1500 words  
Summary: Companion piece to Paved Paradise. Shizuru is sick and tired of being yanked around by Natsuki.

A thunderous banging rattled her door. Shizuru jolted at the noise. "Just a moment, someone at the door," she told Haruka.

Haruka apparently could hear the racket from her end of the phone because she warned Shizuru to be safe and check her peephole first. Shizuru complied and gasped at the sight of Natsuki's distorted face—rounded enough from the peephole that she couldn't really tell her expression except for the almighty blush there. "Ara. It's Natsuki." She reached for the deadbolt and said, "I have to go," before unceremoniously hanging up on Haruka.

As soon as the door opened, Natsuki bellowed, "What the fuck? What the _flying_ fuck? _Suzushiro_?" Shizuru flinched when Natsuki threw a folded newspaper at her head. It took her a moment to regain her composure.

"I had no idea you read the Society pages," Shizuru quipped, turning away from the door to return to her tea. Unfortunately, it had been steeping since before her parents called her. Despite that, Shizuru poured herself a cup and sat at the table—blinked when she remembered Haruka's name for her, _bubuzuke_ indeed, how clever—trying not to feel naked because she was in her pajamas.

"Don't joke, you _bitch_!"

It hurt. Shizuru knew in that moment her face actually registered the surprise and pain. For the first time in her dealings with Natsuki, she dropped into a defensive stance. "I don't see how it's any of your business." Her voice was deadly calm.

Natsuki had the nerve to gape at her. "None of my business? Like _hell_!"

"Ara, now I get it," Shizuru snapped. "I'm a pet, is that it? You wish to control my love life—" Words failed her, and she broke right into what had been upsetting her for weeks—"when you've decided to be with that woman, Akiho? That's rather presumptuous of you."

"How do you know about that?" Inconceivably, there was real alarm in Natsuki's voice, not defensiveness...or an innocent explanation, which was what Shizuru was really hoping for.

"I saw you at Lady's Luck."

"Why the fuck were you hanging around there? That's a dangerous part of town, Shizuru! Not to mention the fucking bar is full of the mob!"

"You're rather cleverly avoiding the topic."

Natsuki fisted her hair. She'd shorn it short just after getting out of jail, and she'd kept it in an awful shaggy cut since then. Her eyes were blood-shot, her face lined with worry. She had tobacco stains on her fingers now. Her entire body vibrated with a kind of latent energy or anxiety. She'd never hurt Shizuru more than in the last few years of their relationship. But she was still the most beautiful, wanted woman on the planet. Now Natsuki sent a look of blind pleading to her; it broke Shizuru's heart. "I—Shizuru, don't go there, I meant it. Go somewhere else, okay? Just stay out of that bar."

"Natsuki." Shizuru managed anger, somehow.

"Hell, it's complicated Shizuru."

Of all the words to use. All Shizuru really wanted anymore was the truth. "Complicated? You fuck men; I cheer you on. You fuck women; I cheer you on. I pretend everyday that you don't keep breaking my heart because—" She heard her own voice break, especially at the sight of Natsuki's expression falling.—"Because I'm supposed to be your best friend."

"Please, just a few more weeks." Natsuki was pleading with her, and Shizuru knew she had to be strong.

It was, in fact, her weariness that won. "I can't do this anymore."

"Shizuru—!"

"I can't. If I can't be your lover, I can't be your friend, and it's very clear that you will never feel the same way that I do. It's time for _me_ to be selfish and unfair. I don't want to see you again."

Natsuki reached for her, beseeching. Shizuru had to brace herself to turn away. "Shizuru!"

"Get out."

"Oh, god, please, don't do this, Shizuru." By her tone of voice, Shizuru could tell Natsuki had fallen into tears. She didn't have the strength to look. Instead, she swallowed past the lump in her throat and said, "It isn't easy, is it?"

She heard Natsuki stop, heard her gasp and turn away. And then the door slammed, and Natsuki's footsteps thundered down the hallway. It was finally then that Shizuru slid to the floor and wailed in pain.

She cried for a long time, terrified that Natsuki had obeyed her.

_Bubuzuke_ indeed.

* * *

Shizuru pressed her head into her hands and heaved a wet sigh. She took a shot of bourbon, grabbed her phone and dialed. Two weeks. Two weeks and she was doing this. She didn't even make it an entire month!

"Kuga here. Leave a message."

Shizuru swallowed again. Her voice came out sticky and thick. "I can't stand it. Come back; I'll deal with my feelings, but I can't live without you. I'm a doormat, I know, just please... Please call me."

She took another shot of bourbon and sighed as it burned a path to her belly. Someone knocked heavily on her door. Surely not Haruka at this time; especially not Haruka since she and Yukino were probably unpacking their things in their new apartment. Shizuru glanced into the peephole and nearly fainted at the sight of Natsuki there.

She threw open the door, uncertain how she was going to physically act now, but all thoughts of that flew out the window. Her eyes fastened on Natsuki's bruised cheekbone, the sling around her arm, bandages on her hand. "What happened?" she gasped, dragging Natsuki inside.

Natsuki's brow wrinkled, and she sniffed. "Are you drinking _whiskey_? It's nine in the morning."

"Natsuki!" Shizuru shook her gently. "What. Happened?"

"That." Natsuki lifted her bandaged hand to point at the front page of the unopened newspaper on Shizuru's coffee table.

**CRIME BOSS IKUMI JIIRO TO BE TRIED ON MULTIPLE CHARGES**

"I don't understand," Shizuru whispered weakly.

"Fuck," Natsuki said. She sank onto the couch, and Shizuru watched her entire body relax in one exhausted sigh. "I love you."

Shizuru's mouth opened, then closed. "Come again?"

"I love you, Fujino Shizuru."

Clearly Natsuki was drugged out of her mind. "I wish I could believe you," Shizuru said sadly. She was unprepared for Natsuki's head to snap up in anger.

"I've been fucking undercover, okay? It's been three years of that. For the record, I never had sex with Ikumi Akiho—I was never even _interested_. I love _you_, okay, and it my fucking luck to realize it a year into a fucking undercover operation. I shouldn't have been even seeing you! Since, you know, they might decide to use you if they realized something was wrong. I can't believe you went to Lady's Luck, by the way! That was fucking stupid, going to a yakuza bar!"

Shizuru sat down on her coffee table, white in the face. "Explain to me how you're here and safe if you ratted out the mob."

"I didn't rat them out. I wore a wire sometimes, told them about a drug deal other times. The police raided and killed a few of the little 'uns, and one of _was_ a cop so they pinned him as the undercover. The police fucking shot me to boot! Anyway, the old bastard called me in to talk to me, and he still fucking trusts me. Maybe 'cause I chopped off my own fucking finger because I fucked up on a drug deal earlier, I dunno. My file isn't even in the police database anymore."

"Oh, my god." Shizuru looked again at Natsuki's bandages and felt like she was going to vomit.

Natsuki shook her head. "It's better than still being there. I'm retired, and I got a damn good bonus with a monthly check until I die. I'm set for life. I could support you, if you needed it." Natsuki paused. "Your parents didn't disown you, did they?"

"No." Shizuru swallowed. "You're sure you're safe?"

"At this point, absolutely. I didn't have to testify at a trial or anything. My name's okay."

"Why would you ever do such a thing?"

"Because I was stupid. They said, 'You don't have a family, yadda yadda fucking yadda. You won't get promoted _ever_ because you're a woman with a chip on your shoulder yadda fucking yadda. This is a good deal for you yadda fucking yadda unless you want to write parking tickets for the rest of your life.' And fuck me if I even considered you at all being family. Because I'm a fucking moron. Do you have any idea how awful it was to have to wait two fucking years to tell you I love you? And all the while you're dating off and on. And then, right when I see the light at the end of the tunnel, I find out you've given me up and started to fuck _Suzushiro_ of all people?"

Shizuru had forgotten about that completely. She couldn't believe she'd not thought to correct that mistake in Natsuki's knowledge. "We never did, Natsuki. I kissed her to prove a point, and the media blew it out of proportion."

"A point?"

"That she's gay and in love with Kikukawa-han."

"Oh. Do you, I mean..."

"I still love you desperately, Natsuki."

Natsuki sank bank into the couch with another soul-weary sigh. All the tension in her leaked out. Then she burst into tears. Shizuru scrambled to her and drew her body into her own. Natsuki seemed so small suddenly, barely a weight in Shizuru's lap. She quieted after a few minutes, then drew Shizuru's mouth to hers.

It felt very much like their first kiss.

Natsuki smacked her lips. "You _were_ drinking whiskey."

-end-

Note: Bubuzuke is a traditional Kyoto dish of green tea poured over rice (like milk over cereal). It has a separate connotation as well. If asked if someone would like bubuzuke, it suggests that person has overstayed their welcome.


End file.
